Description
At the time this course was being put together, Coronavirus was having a serious impact throughout the globe and in particular, the UK was suffering from a large number of deaths, a financial disaster was looming, freedoms were being curtailed under lockdown laws and so on. The future was not looking good.
Uncertainty about what was going to happen next was causing mental health issues and there had already been a number of suicides reported.
This course will refer to general stress and anxiety but will also refer to Coronavirus in particular
Is it Real or Imaginery?
Stress and anxiety are very real for many people. But unlike a broken arm or other physical injury, it is often hard to see before it becomes a real issue. That does not mean it is too late to do anything, but rather that there is a slightly longer road to travel.
Stress
This is a response to an external cause.
Anxiety
This is a persons specific response to stress and is internal
When the body is under attack, stress hormones are released which may be useful to prepare you for a fight or flight situation in which you are under a physical threat – not so much in the everyday situations we find ourselves in, although a little bit of adrenalin can give you a boost if you need to perform at a higher level for a short period.
However, it is not helpful for this situation to persist for a long time as there can be longer term changes in the body
Look at the list below and tick all the boxes that apply.If you have more than 3, there is a good chance that you are not dealing with the anxiety caused by stress in the correct way.
Some common concerns:
Stress can be good or bad - it can often depend on the circumstances
Ask yourself
If the answer is not a clear yes, then maybe you need to …
Reframe to Regain
You can look at things in a different way. This is called: REFRAME TO REGAIN
This means thinking about things in a slightly different way that is not quite so self critical and the result is your will regain some control of your life. If you say “I’ll never see my family again”, or “I can’t stand this lockdown”, then re-examine you thought processes and ask yourself a couple of questions.
- If you say, “I’m rubbish at this”.
- or, “This is a waste of my energy”.
- Is that situation ALWAYS true? Are you really rubbish all of the time?
- Are you being too hard on yourself? Is it a waste or are there some aspects that are worthwhile?
Get in the puddle too
You can look all you like and never understand. To show real empathy, you sometimes have to get into the water too. At least one foot so that you can begin to appreciate what the other person is actually experiencing.
Do what you can do, not what you can't
The story below is to illustrate what happens when you focus on the wrong things. Consider what you are focusing on and whether it would be better to make some changes.
Harry is a little mouse. He lives on the North side of the road. Every morning, Harry gets up and leaves his burrow to go and look out at the South side. He can see lots of great things to eat, and a very attractive female mouse called Bella. Harry is so lonely on his side and would love to start a family and have a full belly. But the road is in the way and the thundering cars seem to never stop. It makes Harry sad. Especially so as he notices some marks on the road where his cousins and his brothers tried to cross the road. A tear drips down his little face. Just before he turns away, he sees the mice on the other side have set out a banquet of nuts and seeds and of course some cheese. Bella catches his eye and for a moment, Harry thinks she will wave at him. But she turns away and stuffs a massive nut into her mouth which makes her cheeks bulge. Harry stomps off and kicks a pebble which stubs his toe. He is angry now. He looks around his little house and garden and notices how untidy they were. He used to think there was no point in tidying as he would soon be across the road where everything is better. What Harry did not know is that several lady mice had passed by and seeing what a state the place was in, decided to move on.
One day, a hen wandered past and stopped to chat to Harry. She asked him why he was so stressed. After Harry explained the chicken thought for a while and said.
“Well Harry, there’s no realistic way you can get over the road and in any case it might not be better over there after all. Did you know a fox lives on the other side and just loves to eat little mice – and chickens? What you can do though is to get this place sorted out. That will keep you busy. Harry took the hens advice and cleaned up the place. The next day, a mouse that had managed to find a way to the south side but was so scared she came back wandered past Harry’s house. She stopped to admire how neat everything was. Just then, Harry popped out and their eyes met. 21 days later, there were 12 little baby mice scurrying around.
Circle of Concern/Influence
We all tend to have things that worry or stress us about the virus:
- Job
- Money
- Stuck inside with a spouse you don’t like
- Exercise
These are things that you need to examine and decide in which circle do they belong. If there is literally nothing you can do about them, they belong in the larger Circle of Concern. No matter how much you want them to change, they won’t, or at least not because you are worried about them. Focusing on them will be a waste of your energy and effort.
You should come to a point when you accept this situation. This Acceptance will help you focus on the inner circle – the Circle of Control. It’s called that because you actually do have control over what happens to things that go inside here.
Who is it really for?
Take a look at the table below. Really think about being genuine and real to yourself for each of the categories listed on the left. Are they there for you in a deep seated way or are they there to impress someone else. If it’s totally for you, circle the 1. If it’s totally for someone else, circle the 10.
You can of course make up as many categories on the left as you like, e.g. Spouse, Hobbies, Appearance, Fitness etc. If you can be Open and Honest with yourself about why you care so much about something, you can also set about making changes if you need to. This exercise is really about self-awareness.
Example Practical Session
The group is split into teams and given instructions on how to use the 7 principles in a theoretical scenario. Shown below is one of the scenarios used:
You are in a job which you don’t particularly like but it pays the bills and gives you a reasonable standard of living. Your boss has started to criticize your work, so you’ve increasingly been staying later at work to the point where your partner has mentioned it several times. You don’t want to admit that work is becoming too much because you have a surprise holiday booked and if you lost your job it would all start to go wrong.